The Power of Love: A Refreshed Perspective

Love, defined as a strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties, is a topic that holds significant importance in our lives. Despite its significance, accurately describing love in the English language presents a challenge due to the limited scope of a single word that encompasses various levels of affection. Unlike English, Spanish boasts close to two dozen words that convey different nuances of love.

In this article, I will focus on love as it pertains to the interactions and connections we form with other individuals, excluding material possessions, experiences, or competitive activities. While many romantic novels depict love as a chemical reaction between two people, resulting in intense internal feelings, research indicates that these initial feelings tend to fade within approximately two years.

So, what sustains love after being in a relationship for 25 years? The answer lies in making a conscious choice and adopting an intentional mindset. Mort Fertel, in his book Marriage Fitness, outlines the steps couples must take to remain in love. It requires effort, but the reward is the development of a deep, connected relationship.

Sustaining love necessitates daily acts of connection that reflect and support our feelings. Without these acts, no couple would stay together, or if they did, they wouldn’t experience true happiness.

Contrary to common beliefs, love is not merely a feeling but a choice and a mindset. At its core, love involves caring for others above oneself—a selfless engagement with genuine consideration for their well-being. This does not imply weakness or submissiveness; rather, love embodies an attitude of respect and deference toward others.

Love serves as a foundation for other positive behaviors in our lives. For instance, love is necessary to practice patience, kindness, and generosity toward others. The Beatles eloquently expressed this sentiment in their song, “All You Need Is Love.” When we embrace love as a character trait, extraordinary possibilities emerge for each of us.

Conversely, hate, arrogance, loathing, and indifference can be considered antithetical to love. One cannot simultaneously be in a state of love and hate. If given the choice, most individuals would prefer to interact with individuals who possess a loving mindset.

Why is this the case?

1. Positive experience: Interacting with someone who genuinely cares is a positive and uplifting experience, unlike engaging with someone who is angry or upset.

2. Improved results: People are more likely to engage and collaborate when they encounter care and kindness. Consequently, positive results are often achieved through loving interactions.

As a society, we can be quick to judge those who differ from us, leading to demonstrations of intolerance. However, I am not suggesting that we should blindly accept everyone’s behavior or admire their actions. Instead, we can approach others with a mindset of love, which will yield more favorable and enjoyable outcomes compared to a negative attitude.

To harness the Power of Love, I offer the following action steps:

1. Love is a choice, not solely a feeling. Many relationships break down when the initial feelings fade. However, when love is a conscious choice, relationships can endure.
2. Embracing a mindset of love allows us to recognize the best in ourselves and others, fostering tolerance.
3. Reflect upon your own character: Would others describe you as a caring and loving individual? Do your personal and business interactions leave a positive impression?
4. Strive to improve your behaviors in areas such as patience, kindness, and generosity—prioritizing the well-being of others before yourself.
5. Recall an instance where you insisted on doing what you wanted, disregarding the desires of another person. Next time, try embracing their choice or preference, even if it differs from your own.
6. Love perseveres and does not give up. It involves offering support and giving when others would quit. Consider situations where you can embrace this persevering love, such as helping your children with their homework when you’re tired or listening attentively to your partner amidst other responsibilities.
7. Loving yourself is an integral part of this process. Knowing your purpose enhances your ability to love others. I recommend exploring the new Quest For Purpose ecourse.
8. Remember that nobody is perfect. When you act without love, acknowledge your actions, let go of any guilt, and quickly return to a mindset of love.
9. Love in its purest form cannot be destroyed or taken away from you because it resides within your heart and mind. Recognize that even if someone rejects your love, you have the power to maintain your loving mindset. Only you can choose to turn it off.
10. Imagine a world where most individuals embrace a mindset of caring and love. Visualize the transformative impact it would have on our communities and relationships.
11. I encourage each of you to embrace love more than ever before, both in play and in everyday life. By doing so, we will collectively benefit and create a better world for ourselves and those around us.

Until next time, keep Living On Purpose!

Ken Keis

Time, the Great Equalizer

Time: a period during which an action, process or condition exists or continues or a system of reckoning

What would you pay for extra time?

I bet you would pay everything you have. Why? Because time is the one thing in life that no one can change, alter, or influence. At least not at the moment. (Star Trek or Back to the Future fans might be hopeful there will be other options down the road. But for now…)

You can’t defer time, save it, grow it, invest it—or ever get it back. It waits for no one. It is what it is.

However, many groups offer seminars or workshops on the topic of time management. How misleading and ridiculous is that? The fact is that nobody can manage time; people can only manage themselves and the activities that occur in relationship to time.

If you think about it, time is the great equalizer. It has no bias, prejudice or favorites. Everyone is equal.

Almost everything in culture is based on time—schedules, retirement, insurance, hourly wages, education, aging and on it goes.

Can you imagine a life without time? You might be wondering, “Ken, what’s your point?”

Well, over the past 35 years, I have written about subjects like procrastination, leadership, urgency addiction, living in the moment, courage, health, balance and living on purpose—100+ different topics. Have you acted on any of the insights that you have gained? Or just believed there will be time “later” to address the issues?

• Are you happy with the way you have used your time so far?
• Have you treated your time with respect, or with disregard?
• If you needed to change something about the way you manage yourself in relationship to time, what would that be?
• If someone who knows you and were to reflect on how you use your time, what would they say?

If time cannot be managed, then all you can do is manage your actions within its context.

The great French [Marshal Hubert] Lyautey once asked his gardener to plant a tree. The gardener objected that the tree was slow growing and would not reach maturity for 100 years. The [Marshal] replied, “In that case, there is no time to lose; plant it this afternoon!”

John F. Kennedy U.S. Politician 1917–1963

Time should be the main reason you start something now!

A seminar participant once made this statement to the facilitator: “Do you know it will take me four years to get my degree, and then I’ll be 60 years old?” The facilitator thought for a moment and responded, “How old will you be in four years if you don’t get your degree?” The participant was using time as an excuse for not doing the work.

This article is not about urgency addiction or being obsessive about every moment in your life; rather, it is about being intentional with your time and acknowledging that time waits for no one.

There are two sides of time that you can do nothing about—the past and the future. The only space you actually occupy is this moment —right now—while you are reading this sentence. “If-only” thinking and regret about the past simply squanders more time.

I want everyone reading this article to declare that the moment is now, that all people are equals in the time game, that no one has an advantage over anyone else. Let’s consider some time-related statements you often hear:

• I saved time by…
• I wasted time by…
• I invested my time in…
• I accumulated time by…
• That was time well spent.
• Boy, did time fly by.
• That was time-consuming.
• There’s lots of time; I’ll do that later.
• There is never enough time.
• If I only had 48 hours in a day.

As I have mentioned on many occasions, my purpose is to help others find their purpose. There is nothing more appalling than someone living without purpose, just wasting their precious time. Everyone has gifts and talents. Everyone has a purpose. They just need to uncover it and use it.

Time is never the measurement of an individual’s success. What they did with their time is what counted!

My challenge for you is this: No matter what you need to work on or change to fully engage in life, just do it—and do it now.

Remember, time waits for no one.

To assist you on your journey, I am recommending three specific resources:

1. My latest book and full ecourse, The Quest For Purpose, helps guide you in all the areas in your life that reflect your passions, purpose and fulfillment. Yes, it will take a bit of time to complete, but so what? Where will you be in two months (or two years) if you don’t do it?
2. Make sure your life reflects your core values. Complete CRG’s Values Preference Indicator. or the ecourse that goes with it.
3. Take the Personal Style Indicator or take the ecourse that support you living a life in your strengths. (PSI). The PSI deals with your orientation towards time and the self-management skills required to realize your full potential.

Time is the most valuable thing you can spend. Spend it wisely.

Action Steps

Time, the Great Equalizer

1. There is no such thing as time management. You can manage only yourself and your activities in relationship to time.
2. Time has no prejudice; it is an equal opportunity player.
3. How do you treat your time—with respect or contempt? What is the result of your attitudes?
4. Where do you live—in the past, future or present? Regret and worrying about the future wastes time and the future is still not here. Just stay in the present. (Though it’s important to have goals and a vision.)
5. Have you delayed important decisions or projects because you felt they would take too long? Think about that statement for a moment. Won’t those projects still take that long after you get started? Just do it now!
6. How has your perception of time affected your choices and activities? Can you improve the way you think about your relationship with time? How?
7. The busiest and most successful individuals—people who use their time wisely—are living on purpose, living their values and taking accountability for their lives. Use the following three CRG ecourses to help get you there or to affirm your current direction: The Quest For Purpose, Values Preference Indicator and Personal Style Indicator. There’s no time like the present to get started.
8. Do you allow time-wasting habits to steal your time? Do other people in your life lack respect for your time? Both those areas are your responsibility.
9. Everyone (myself included) needs to give up this obsession with time—the lack of it, the saving of it, the hoarding of it, etc. In the end, you simply need to manage yourself and fully engage life in the moments you inhabit.
10. Right now is the best time of your life. After all, the only place in time that you actually occupy is now.

Until next time, keep Living On Purpose!

Ken Keis

Are You Getting the Results You Really Want?

Results: to come about as an effect or consequence

Are you getting the results you really want? If your answer is Yes, great! The rest of this article is for your review and affirmation.

But, if your results in all areas of your life are not where you would like them to be, please read on.

Most people—including me—have goals… of making money, attaining a certain fitness level, having great personal relationships and so on.

Have you fallen short in your results?

Example: Let’s say someone intended to purchase an investment property for X amount last year, but that never happened. So did they have the true intent to invest; or was it simply an idle wish. When they could not find an easy route to purchasing the property, they quit trying. The results you are experiencing in your life are equal to your true intent. Ouch! That statement hurts me as much as it might hurt many of you. I am holding my own feet to the fire this month. Many readers will also feel the heat. That’s all right; pressure creates diamonds.

Successful results are a reflection of your deepest, most focused commitments.

Here’s a personal example. A few years ago, I was in the best shape I had been in my life. I had been dedicated to increasing my fitness level and I’d been doing very well. However, I went on a six- week trip to Australia, had severe jet lag upon my return, for four weeks, and celebrations and travel continued. As a result, my fitness level declined.

What is my true intent?

Upon deeper reflection, I see my intent was to improve my fitness level, as long as it did not require too much sacrifice or inconvenience. My commitment was too shallow. My intent was just a wish—not a serious intent.

The question I need to ask is this: Do I really want the results that a higher fitness level will provide, or not? Because in the end, results speak louder than words.

Where in your life do you have a disparity between your perceived intent and your results? What is this costing you in missed opportunities, health, relationships, etc.?

Many individuals use the excuse that they do not understand what to do to get the results they want. Interestingly enough, the successful-results formula doesn’t require that you know the “how to” part first; it simply requires clear and intense intent.

Does my intent to be fit win or does the convenience factor win? The answer is that my highest intent will win out in the end.

If you truly want to change your results, you must change your intensity levels toward your intent. They must become so high that there is no alternative but to achieve your results. Motion begets motion. This means that taking action helps you take action.

One excellent example comes from the sales profession. As a past top sales performer and sales trainer, I know that many sales reps have great sales months when their backs are up against the wall. Maybe the month before was a disaster, or new bills arrived. No matter the reason, they had to perform that month or be out on the street.

They stepped up to get the results. It’s amazing what happens to results when there are no options. Think about sports when teams are in the final minutes of the game—urgency and action increase.

In the beginning of my sales career, I found my sales performance was better when I owed money to the bank on a short-term loan. There was no hiding behind savings or lukewarm intent; I had commitments that had to be met. Guess what? I always made them. Yes, it was a mental game I was playing with myself, but nevertheless, it works for increasing my level of intent.

So if you are not getting the results you want, it is time to put away the excuses.

This includes removing your statements of mild intent, unless you are willing to turn up the volume. If you don’t, your life will reflect many situations of “almost made it” and your personal credibility with self and others will erode as you keep missing the mark.

Do you know people who say they are going to take action to achieve something, yet never seem to follow through? What do you think when they talk about their next intent? Over time, you won’t give their words a second thought, as in the story of crying wolf.

Set your wishes aside for the moment. Focus on the items for which you’re willing to put your reputation at risk. By the way, this is not about just acquiring things; it’s about everything in your life… from health and relationships, to impacting your community, and of course your resources.

Yes, you do need to know the “how to” to get your results. If that’s all you needed, however, everyone would be healthy, wealthy and wise—and that’s just not the case, is it? There’s a plethora of information on “how to” about those topics, right?

In the end, the results you are getting in all areas of your life are speaking loudly about your true intent. I am not saying you don’t want more wealth or better personal relationships or improved health; however, unless you achieve results, some hidden agenda is trumping your cards. Consciously or unconsciously, you are living your true intent.

Examples:

• You want to increase your wealth, but are not willing to take any risks. Therefore, wealth is not your true intent.
• You want to have a great relationship, but you always have to prove you are right and your partner is wrong. Therefore, happiness is not your true intent.
• You want to be healthy but don’t discipline yourself in your activities and in healthy eating and drinking. Therefore, good health is not your true intent.

You get the picture.

Your results will come from being aligned with your values, gifts, talents and abilities. To assist you on this journey, I am recommending four resources for you! Are you serious about improving yourself? Meaning if you don’t engage new learning are you really serious

• To be clear about your values, complete the Values Preference Indicator or take the What Do You Really Value? eCourse
• To help you with your health intentions, complete the Stress Indicator and Health Planner or complete our Dying To Live eCourse
• To increase your confidence, use the Self Worth Inventory.
• To understand and be clear about your preferred modes of personal operations, complete the number one rated Personality assessment the Personal Style Indicator or complete our Why Aren’t You More Like Me? eCourse.

In the end, your results will speak louder than words. That is the ultimate accountability process.

Action Steps

Are You Getting the Results You Really Want?

1. True results are a reflection of your deepest, most focused commitments.
2. Are your results less than what you want? If so, list what you really want.
3. If you are not getting the results you say you want, look deeper. What is your true intent behind your wants?
4. If you are falling short of the mark (results), your want was more like a casual wish. Which wants in your life (be real) are more of a wish than a strong intent? List them now.
5. Based on your list of wishes, what do you plan to keep, change or abandon? Document them now.
6. It should always be your list, not someone else’s list.
7. Make a list of wants that are non-negotiable. This list represents your strongest level of intent. There is no going back on this list.
8. Make this a mental game. Attach some type of consequence in case you don’t achieve your desired results. For this game to work, your consequence needs to actually hurt if you don’t achieve your intent. Put something of value (money counts) on the table for a charity or give it to someone who will benefit from receiving it. If you can’t make this commitment, you have only a wish—not strong intent.
9. Select a trusted accountability partner who will support and help push you through to your desired results. Share your intent and say that unless they can show tough love when necessary, you will select someone else.
10. Get crystal clear about your values, gifts and talents by engaging the following resources:
    Why Aren’t YouMore Like Me? eCourse
    Why Aren’t You More Like Me? II PSI Trainer’s Certification eCourse
    What Do You Really Value? eCourse
    Dying To Live eCourse
    The Quest For Purpose eCourse

Values Preference Indicator, Stress Indicator and Health Planner, Self Worth Inventory, Personal Style Indicator. They will improve your results.

Be fully and completely engaged with your intent. Think, dream and embrace your intent at an emotional level. If you can’t do this, ask yourself if it is true intent or just a wish. If it is a wish, let it go until it can be yours at an intense level.

Remember: Unless you have true Intent, it will be difficult to maintain your intensity.

13. In the end, it is your results that everyone sees. The rest is just smoke and mirrors.

Yes, it’s time to be accountable and get the results you want and deserve. Turn up your intent until there are no other options. Go for it!

Until next time, keep Living On Purpose!

Ken Keis