Say What Matters: Responding with Empathy and Speaking with Strength
Welcome back to Section Two of the Transformational Leadership Series. As we near the conclusion of this section on Interpersonal Communication Skills, we now turn to two skills that define the heart of mature, effective leadership communication:
- Skill 21: Responding — I accurately convey my understanding of others’ feelings and circumstances, providing appropriate responses that demonstrate empathy and support.
- Skill 22: Assertiveness — I express myself honestly and kindly, avoiding the use of “put-downs,” while asserting my needs, opinions, and boundaries in a respectful manner.
If previous skills were about listening and observing, these next two are about what you say and how you say it—with empathy and clarity.
Skill 21: Responding — Leading with Empathy and Understanding
What This Means
Responding is more than just offering a reply—it’s the intentional act of letting someone know they’ve been heard, understood, and valued. It’s the bridge between listening and action.
Effective responding involves acknowledging both the content of what someone has said and the emotion behind it. It demonstrates not only that you were paying attention, but also that you care.
Responding is a leadership behavior that builds emotional safety and invites continued openness.
Why It Matters
When people don’t feel heard, they shut down. But when leaders respond with accuracy and empathy, they:
- Build stronger relationships
- Resolve conflict more effectively
- Foster a team culture of trust and openness
Good listening without good responding is incomplete. It’s your response that signals how much the other person truly matters to you.
How to Implement
- Acknowledge Both Feelings and Facts: Respond with statements like, “It sounds like you’re frustrated with how that was handled—I appreciate you bringing it up.”
- Avoid Premature Fixing: Let people finish before offering solutions. Often, they need empathy more than answers.
- Match Tone to Context: Be warm, calm, and engaged—tone matters as much as content.
- Practice Reflective Responses: “So what I’m hearing is…” or “It seems like what’s really important to you is…”
- Validate Experience, Even if You Disagree: You can empathize with how someone feels without agreeing with their interpretation.
When your response shows that you truly understand, people begin to trust—and transformation becomes possible.
Skill 22: Assertiveness — Speak with Clarity, Lead with Respect
What This Means
Assertiveness is the ability to express yourself honestly and respectfully, without aggression, apology, or passive avoidance. It means owning your thoughts, feelings, and needs—and communicating them in a way that maintains both dignity and connection.
Assertiveness is not about dominance. It’s about clarity, courage, and mutual respect. It’s the confident middle ground between passivity and aggression.
Why It Matters
Leaders who lack assertiveness:
- Avoid tough conversations
- Harbor unresolved tension
- Struggle to set boundaries and maintain respect
Leaders who are overly aggressive:
- Create fear
- Damage relationships
- Undermine trust
Assertive leaders, however:
- Model respectful communication
- Foster a culture of honesty and accountability
- Establish healthy boundaries without blame or drama
Assertiveness is the secret sauce of courageous conversations.
How to Implement
- Use “I” Statements: Speak from your own perspective. For example, “I feel concerned when deadlines are missed,” instead of “You always drop the ball.”
- Practice Clear Boundaries: “I’m available to discuss this until 4 p.m.” is more powerful than vague openness.
- Stay Calm and Respectful: Even when addressing conflict, remain composed and kind.
- Don’t Apologize for Taking Space: Being direct doesn’t require being defensive.
- Model the Behavior You Expect: If you want open, respectful dialogue, you must lead with it.
Assertiveness communicates: “I respect myself, and I respect you.” And that’s the hallmark of transformational leadership.
Author’s Note: A person has a natural assertiveness level which is highly impacted by their Personality and we recommend you complete the Personal Style Indicator to reveal your natural assertiveness levels. However, we are complex beings and many factors contribute to our ability to speak up. Personally, I grew up in a home where there was a lot of conflict. We survived as kids by being invisible. Later in life, as an adult there were many situations – mostly family related – where I had to learn how to be assertive and we encourage that you check in on your levels as well.
Final Thoughts: Connect Deeply, Speak Boldly
Responding and assertiveness are complementary leadership skills. Together, they allow you to:
✔ Respond to others with empathy and accuracy
✔ Express yourself with clarity and confidence
✔ Build a culture of trust, honesty, and healthy dialogue
In our final article for this section, we’ll conclude with:
- Skill 23: Confrontation
- Skill 24: Challenging
These final interpersonal skills are about providing feedback, support, and guidance that inspire real growth.
You’re building leadership that both listens and speaks with purpose.
Until next time, Keep Living On Purpose!
PS. Stay tuned to your opportunity to pre-register for the Online Transformational Leadership Course. That link will be available soon. To bench your (or others) leadership skills, access our Leadership Skills Inventory-Self or LSI-360′.