In coaching and leadership, timing and boundaries are everything. Knowing when to speak up and when to bring in external support can be the difference between progress and stagnation—or even harm.
These next two skills build your discernment and leadership maturity:
- Immediacy – naming what’s happening right now in the room.
- Referral – recognizing when an issue exceeds your expertise and connecting the person to a more qualified helper.
Skill 35 – Immediacy
Definition: Helping others get unstuck by pointing out, promptly and constructively, the problem behaviours or emotional dynamics that are hindering progress—especially those happening in the moment.
Why it matters
- Stuck conversations often stem from unspoken tension.
- Growth happens faster when issues are addressed in real-time.
- Ignoring visible resistance, conflict, or discomfort undermines your leadership credibility.
How to implement
- Observe the moment: “I notice there’s a shift in your energy as we discuss this…”
- Name the behaviour without blame: “You’ve gone silent—can we talk about that?”
- Invite engagement: “What’s going on for you right now?”
- Hold space: Stay present and listen deeply.
- Move forward together: “How do you want to proceed from here?”
Practice exercise
In your next leadership conversation, try naming a subtle dynamic you observe in the moment (tone shift, body language, sudden resistance). Reflect afterward: What happened? Did naming it help?
Authors Note: This skill is about the leader being timely. I recall a supervisory waiting 2 weeks to provide feedback about a negative customer interaction. The employee has little recollection of the event so feedback at this stage is too late to be effective. We personally had a staff member who had conduct we did not appreciate but it took me 3 weeks to have enough courage to confront the team member. Again too late.
Skill 36 – Referral
Definition: The ability to recognize when a person needs professional help beyond your role or expertise—and facilitating an effective referral.
Why it matters
- Not all problems are coaching or leadership problems.
- Emotional, psychological, or legal issues require trained specialists.
- Making referrals builds trust, protects the individual, and keeps you in your lane.
When to refer
- The issue is clinical (mental health, trauma, addiction).
- You feel out of your depth.
- Progress has stalled despite your best efforts.
- The person expresses harm to self or others.
How to implement
- Normalize it: “This is something a lot of people seek support for.”
- Be compassionate: “You don’t have to go through this alone.”
- Have resources ready: Provide reputable, accessible options.
- Follow up appropriately: Check in without crossing professional lines.
Activity – Build Your Referral List
Create a list of 3–5 trusted local or online professionals or services in the following categories:
- Mental health
- Conflict mediation
- Legal counsel
- Career coaching
- Addiction counselling
Ensure you feel confident referring to each and understand their intake process.
Leading with courage and wisdom
- Immediacy brings truth into the moment.
- Referral models humility and responsibility.
Great leaders don’t do everything—they discern what needs to be done and by whom.
Next in the series: The beginning of Section Four—Team & Consulting Skills. We’ll explore how to assess team dynamics informally and formally.
Until next time, Keep Living On Purpose!
PS. Stay tuned to your opportunity to pre-register for the Online Transformational Leadership Course. That link will be available soon. To bench your (or others) leadership skills, access our Leadership Skills Inventory-Self or LSI-360′.