Have you ever found yourself thinking:
“Why would anyone do it that way?”
Or perhaps you’ve wondered why a co-worker needs pages of detail before making a decision, while someone else is ready to act after a five-minute conversation.
Maybe you’ve experienced frustration because your spouse, child, friend, or manager seems to think completely differently than you do.
After more than 35 years of working with leaders, teams, and organizations, I’ve discovered something important.
Most relationship conflict isn’t caused by bad intentions.
It’s caused by misunderstanding.
And misunderstanding almost always begins with a lack of self-awareness.
My Journey Began with Understanding Myself
Looking back, there were several defining moments that changed the direction of my life.
As the third-generation, first-born son, I was expected to take over our family’s dairy farm. Instead, I chose to pursue what I believed I was created to do—encourage, teach, and help people grow.
It wasn’t an easy decision.
In fact, one of my high school English teachers told me I would never amount to anything because I struggled with reading and writing. For years, I believed those words.
Eventually, I discovered I had mild dyslexia, and with the help of technology and a commitment to lifelong learning, I overcame many of those challenges. Today, I’ve written millions of words, authored several books, and spent my career helping people discover their own potential.
That experience taught me an important lesson.
Never allow someone else’s opinion to determine your future.
It also sparked my lifelong passion for helping people better understand themselves.
Why Self-Awareness Changes Everything
My career eventually led me into sales, leadership development, and coaching, where I met the founder of Consulting Resource Group International (CRG).
Together, we shared a common frustration.
Many personality assessments were interesting, but they often left people asking, “Now what?”
Some categorized people into rigid boxes.
Others required a certified practitioner to explain the results.
We believed there had to be a better way.
That vision led to the development of the Personal Style Indicator (PSI)—a practical, research-based personality assessment designed to help people understand themselves and others in ways they could immediately apply at work, at home, and in everyday life.
Today, the PSI (rated the number one personality assessment globally) is available in 13 languages and has helped hundreds of thousands of people improve communication, strengthen relationships, and become more effective leaders.
Why Personality Matters
Professional development has never been more accessible.
Organizations invest billions of dollars each year in leadership training, coaching, and personality assessments. Yet employee engagement continues to be a significant challenge.
One reason is that many people spend their lives trying to improve their performance before they truly understand themselves.
I’ve often said that self-awareness is the foundation of personal and professional growth.
Research consistently supports that conclusion. People with greater self-awareness generally make better decisions, communicate more effectively, build healthier relationships, and adapt more successfully to change.
Understanding your personality isn’t about putting yourself into a box.
It’s about understanding the box you’ve already been living in—and learning when to step outside it.
Why Aren’t You More Like Me?
One of the questions I hear most often is:
“Why can’t people just think the way I do?”
The answer is simple.
Because they aren’t you.
One of the greatest breakthroughs people experience through the PSI is realizing that different doesn’t mean wrong.
Each personality style brings valuable strengths, blind spots, motivations, communication preferences, and approaches to solving problems.
The analytical person isn’t trying to slow everyone down.
They’re trying to reduce risk.
The decisive leader isn’t trying to be impatient.
They’re trying to create momentum.
The relational team member isn’t avoiding the issue.
They’re protecting the relationship.
When we understand these differences, judgment is replaced by curiosity.
Conflict decreases.
Communication improves.
Relationships become healthier.
And teams become significantly more effective.
More Than a Personality Assessment
One of the biggest misconceptions about personality assessments is that they should determine someone’s career.
I strongly disagree.
Your personality is not your job description.
Every personality style can succeed in virtually every profession.
Success depends on many factors, including your interests, values, abilities, character, experience, and willingness to grow.
Another principle we’ve always believed is that people should own their own development.
That’s why the PSI was designed to be practical and easy to understand. People shouldn’t have to depend on someone else to explain who they are.
When individuals understand their own style, they become more confident in applying those insights to leadership, communication, relationships, parenting, teamwork, and decision-making.
Knowledge becomes transformation only when it’s applied.
Self-Awareness Leads to Better Decisions
Another important discovery we’ve made over the years is that personality is only part of the picture.
People also need to understand what motivates them.
When your decisions align with your core values, you’re more likely to experience fulfillment, resilience, and long-term success.
When your behaviour conflicts with what matters most, frustration often follows.
That’s why the Personal Style Indicator works so well alongside our Values Preference Indicator (VPI). Together they help people understand not only how they naturally operate, but also why they make the choices they do.
That combination creates remarkable clarity.
Continue Growing
One of the central themes in my book Why Aren’t You More Like Me? is that personal growth isn’t about becoming someone you’re not.
It’s about becoming the very best version of who you already are.
Develop your strengths.
Understand your blind spots.
Appreciate people who think differently.
Keep learning.
Keep growing.
After facilitating more than 1,000 workshops and working with leaders across dozens of countries, I’m more convinced than ever that self-awareness changes lives.
It strengthens marriages.
It improves parenting.
It transforms teams.
It develops better leaders.
And it helps people discover greater purpose and fulfillment.
Dr. Ken’s Leadership Insight
The greatest relationship breakthrough doesn’t happen when everyone becomes more like you. It happens when you understand yourself well enough to appreciate why others aren’t. Self-awareness is the starting point for better communication, stronger relationships and more effective leadership.
If you’re ready to better understand yourself—or help your team communicate and collaborate more effectively—Why Aren’t You More Like Me?, the Personal Style Indicator (PSI), and our companion eCourse provide practical, research-based tools that have helped hundreds of thousands of people improve their relationships, leadership, and personal effectiveness.
Because when you understand yourself better, you understand others better.
And that changes everything.