Transformational leaders don’t sidestep the hard stuff—they handle it with courage and care. Two coaching skills make that possible:
- Confrontation – naming self-defeating behaviour so growth can begin.
- Self-Sharing – offering relevant stories from your own journey to spark insight in others.
Used together, they keep relationships truthful, human and forward-moving.
Skill 33 – Confrontation
Definition: Facilitating self-reflection by helping people see behaviours, attitudes or blind spots that are holding them (and the team) back.
Why it matters
- Unaddressed issues erode trust, performance and culture.
- Most people can’t see their own blind spots.
- When truth is delivered with respect, people feel valued—not attacked.
How to implement
- Check motive: Is my goal to help, not to win?
- Describe behaviour, not identity: “I’ve noticed deadlines are slipping,” not “You’re unreliable.”
- Share impact: “When reports are late, the whole project stalls.”
- Invite reflection: “What do you think is causing this?”
- Offer support: “How can I help you succeed?”
Practice exercise
Pair role-play – One person practices a 2-minute confrontation using the steps above; the partner provides feedback on clarity, tone and empathy.
Authors Note: This is one of the most difficult skills for me to implement – even though I am naturally direct and seen as a courageous person. Growing up my family had lots of conflict and we survived by avoiding and hiding. So when I got into business leadership it took every ounce of fortitude to follow through and implement this step. If you are hesitant to lean into this skill – I encourage you to look deeper to discover any potential reason why you are avoiding confrontations or difficult conversations.
Skill 34 – Self-Sharing
Definition: Offering brief, purposeful stories from your own experience to help others gain perspective and hope.
Why it matters
- Builds credibility: “You’ve walked this path.”
- Normalizes struggle and failure.
- Shows the learner a concrete example of resilience or change.
How to implement
- Keep it relevant: The story must connect to their challenge.
- Stay concise: 2–3 minutes, highlight the lesson.
- Focus on learning, not ego: Centre the takeaway, not your heroics.
- Bridge back: “What parallels do you see with your situation?”
Practice exercise
Write a short story using the template:
- Situation: Where were you stuck?
- Struggle: What made it hard?
- Shift: What insight or action changed things?
- Success/lesson: How did it turn out, and what can others learn?
Share it with a peer; ask if the lesson felt clear and helpful.
Authors Note: As a professional speaker, coach, mentor and trainer I have found that personal stories that related to issue at hand are very powerful and impactful. In fact, stories are remembered far more than most talking points.
Working in tandem
- Confrontation opens the door by naming the issue.
- Self-Sharing shows a path forward through relatable example.
Together they create a safe, honest space where people can face reality and believe change is possible.
Next in the series: Skill 35 (Immediacy) & Skill 36 (Referral) – knowing when to speak up in the moment and when to call in outside help.
Until next time, Keep Living On Purpose!
PS. Stay tuned to your opportunity to pre-register for the Online Transformational Leadership Course. That link will be available soon. To bench your (or others) leadership skills, access our Leadership Skills Inventory-Self or LSI-360′.