Seeing Clearly and Responding Wisely: Observing and Suspending in Leadership
Welcome back to Section Two: Interpersonal Communication Skills in our Transformational Leadership Series. As we continue to build your leadership toolkit, we now focus on two essential skills that help you see people more accurately and respond with greater wisdom.
Too often, leaders react to assumptions rather than reality—creating conflict, confusion, or missed opportunities. That’s where today’s skills come in. They help you move from automatic reactions to intentional leadership.
In this article, we focus on:
- Skill 17: Observing — I objectively check my perceptions, avoiding distortions or judgments, and strive to accurately understand others’ behaviors and intentions.
- Skill 18: Suspending — I exercise wisdom by withholding emotions, judgments, and premature advice, allowing for a thoughtful and unbiased understanding of the situation before responding.
Let’s explore how you can lead more effectively by first slowing down and seeing clearly.
Skill 17: Observing — Leadership Begins with Accurate Perception
What This Means
Observing is the ability to see and hear what is actually happening, rather than letting your emotions, assumptions, or past experiences distort the moment. It’s about checking your perceptions and remaining open to what’s real—not just what you expect to see.
In leadership, this means noticing tone, body language, patterns of behavior, and subtle cues. Observing helps you decode what people are really communicating, even when they aren’t saying it outright.
Why It Matters
Assumptions destroy trust. When you observe instead of assume, you:
- Make more informed decisions
- Reduce misunderstandings and conflict
- Strengthen relationships through accurate empathy
Great leaders are great observers. They don’t rush to conclusions—they read the room with clarity.
How to Implement
- Slow Down and Pay Attention: Don’t just listen—watch. Observe tone, facial expressions, posture, and pacing.
- Ask Yourself: “What’s Really Happening Here?” Suspend judgment long enough to question your initial interpretation.
- Use Silence: Let pauses help you gather data before reacting.
- Confirm with Curiosity: Ask clarifying questions like, “I noticed you paused just now—was something on your mind?”
- Practice in Every Interaction: Observation is a muscle. Strengthen it in conversations, meetings, and everyday moments.
When you observe with intention, you lead with greater insight—and others feel seen and understood.
Skill 18: Suspending — The Leadership Power of Holding Back
What This Means
Suspending is the ability to withhold your reactions, assumptions, and advice long enough to gain full understanding. It’s the pause that creates space for wisdom.
This is not about avoidance or passivity—it’s about choosing restraint over reaction. It means pressing pause on your emotions and interpretations to allow thoughtful, respectful engagement.
One of the most effective tools to support this skill is the Personal Style Indicator (PSI). Understanding both your own style and the styles of others helps you suspend quick judgments and respond with empathy and insight instead of irritation or bias.
Why It Matters
Most people don’t listen—they reload. Leaders who react too quickly often miss what’s really going on or escalate situations unnecessarily.
Suspending helps you:
- Avoid misjudging intentions
- De-escalate emotional tension
- Strengthen your credibility through thoughtful responses
And when combined with personal style knowledge from the PSI, you gain clarity about why others communicate the way they do, reducing misinterpretations and improving relationships.
How to Implement
- Learn Your Style Using the Personal Style Indicator (PSI): This assessment is a foundational tool for understanding your own tendencies and the tendencies of others.
- Recognize When Emotion Rises: Notice the urge to interrupt, fix, or react. That’s your cue to suspend.
- Breathe Before You Respond: A deep breath gives your brain time to shift from reactivity to reflection.
- Remind Yourself: “There’s More to the Story.” People behave for reasons you may not yet understand.
- Choose Curiosity Over Control: Ask questions instead of jumping in with solutions or corrections.
The ability to suspend doesn’t make you weak—it makes you strategic, grounded, and deeply respectful.
Final Thoughts: Leadership That Listens, Learns, and Leads Wisely
Observation and suspension are the twin disciplines of thoughtful leadership. They allow you to:
✔ See people and situations accurately
✔ Pause before reacting, which preserves relationships
✔ Lead with emotional intelligence, not just authority
And when supported by tools like the Personal Style Indicator, these skills become second nature—enabling you to lead others the way they need to be led.
In our next article, we’ll explore:
- Skill 19: Questioning
- Skill 20: Listening
These two will take your communication effectiveness to the next level.
You’re building leadership from the inside out—stay with it. You’re transforming how you lead, one skill at a time. 🚀
Until next time, Keep Living On Purpose!
PS. Stay tuned to your opportunity to pre-register for the Online Transformational Leadership Course. That link will be available soon. To bench your (or others) leadership skills, access our Leadership Skills Inventory-Self or LSI-360′.